When Audrey and I First Met

The story of how Audrey and I first met begins with a break up. It was shortly after my fiance and I broke up. Yup that's right the one and only time I was engaged to be married ended on a bad note. Not worth reflecting too much on this detail really. It seems like an insignificant and what I consider a silly time in my life. Thankfully we did not have children BUT we did have two cats - Anchovie and Gordon. To summarize a stupid story my ex got custody of the cats. It really wasn't worth the fight in the end and I knew they would be well taken care of.

Up until I met Audrey, I always considered myself a cat person. A didn't really "get" the dog/human relationship. However, one day I visited a bird store that sold . . . well birds. Birds have always fascinated me and this store was always a crack up because it was mass chaos all the time .. random birds screaming & squawking, flying around... if you were afraid of birds not the place to go. On this day in the back of the store in a small cage was this skinny & goofy looking puppy. She was so crazy hyper I couldn't exactly hold her like I would a cat. She was all legs and all she wanted to do was run around and jump and twist and fold (typical Boxer behavior I've learned!). The tile floor was slippery so she looked like a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time...she was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I was in love. I left that day thinking about her a lot. I even had a name for her when I returned the following week to buy her.

Taking Audrey home was surreal experience because I didn't yet understand the dog/human relationship. She has taught me the joy of canine companionship. I believe we were meant to be together at a time in my life when I needed it. Over the years we have been through many many experiences and her loyalty and love has never wavered.. . well except for when grandma has treats.

Audrey's Current Status

Audrey is currently in stable condition. I felt that I saw a few more bumps on her head about a week ago but this week I don't see them.

Drug Trial Program: We on waiting to begin. She was the last dog to be accepted into the trial. However, supposedly the drug is running low so they are delayed a bit. (I'm not sure how I feel about all this or if I believe half of what they are telling me at this point.)

Another Second Opinion: I am feeling as though I would like to take Audrey back to her vet she went to for years and was treated by during her previous mast cell tumor removal. She'd get on the ground with Audrey like she really cared for her and Audrey always seemed comfortable with her.

Holistic: I'm looking into some options here right now.

Odd Coincidence: My next door neighbor learned yesterday her dog has cancer. Because I'm paranoid I'm not drinking nor am I having the dogs drink the water from the faucet.

Interesting News: It appears as though a new drug has been approved as a cancer treatment for dogs. This is something I want to discuss with the vet. http://tinyurl.com/qo8d32

LEARNING LESSONS #2

Cage training during puppy years is necessary!
I was resistant to cage training in the beginning. I even resisted when most of my furniture was destroyed and potty training was a complete failure. It always seemed cruel and unfair but we eventually learned it could be used as a training tool. Not only for my sanity but for her safety.

It started to become clear when I came home to my couch in the beginning stages of being destroyed by baby girl. I just broke down and cried. I loved her so so much but I just didn't know what to do.

The day I realized we couldn't go on any more was the day she started chewing through power cords . . . yes cage training is very necessary.

Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks

Once upon a time, I trained my baby girl Audrey to NOT potty in the backyard.

Why would any sane person do this?
It was meant to be temporary because the backyard was being sodded and as you know dog urine causes dead patches. Instead we would we'd open the front door and she would "do her business" in the front yard and just return when she was done.

After it was okay for her to go back in the backyard she refused to do so. As a matter of fact if she felt we were trying to encourage her with treats to "do her business" in the backyard she would run back in the house!

The place we've recently moved to has a very small front yard and she will not use it nor will she use the backyard. So it is now a normal routine for me to have to walk her around the corner to a field where she will go potty . . . we do this at least five times a day (if she asks to or not).

In the past few months, and more so in the recent two months, I wake up (well kind of awake) to Audrey wanting to go outside. I FINALLY have the puppy sleeping through the night (who goes potty in the backyard thank goodness) but now I have senior citizen who has to go . . . when she has to go out. Some mornings I wake up and think "was I out walking a dog last night in my pajamas or was that a dream?"

Last night was particularly bad however, she woke me up twice!! Ugh. I really couldn't figure out why she was whining at me the second time but I just assumed it was to go outside. Which she did go potty but I don't know if it was necessary. I just really really hope and pray this does not become routine. She did have urinary track infection but we recently just finished our meds to take care of that. IM SO TIRED

So you may wonder if I'm so tired why am I up so early. Well, that is another thing I'm awoken at 5:00 in the morning every day because we have to go "outside". It's easier to just get up at this point.

It's so had not to be completely frustrated with this. I'm just wondering what it feels like to be well rested at this point because it's been months for me.

LEARNING LESSONS #1

Never leave the leash on in the car.
This day scared the living daylights out of me!! I loaded Audrey in the car and failed to remove her leash. I had no idea that her leash was hanging out of the car door. The wheel of the car caught her leash and yanked her neck to the bottom of the car door. It happened in slow motion and I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. LUCKILY the leash was leather and broke before it broke her neck. She was fine after the incident and forgot it happened. I wasn't right for the rest of the day and it haunted for me for a long time (and still does sometimes).

Audrey and I have support group! ...who knew?!!

I appreciate everyone who emailed me or contacted me to offer support, advice and/or suggestions this past week. I know I didn’t respond but I’ve been taking everything in and working out what is the right thing for Audrey.

Some of the great notes I received:

“This is a decision that you need to make and really feel in your heart. But if it was me, I would let her live the rest of her life to the fullest. . . She is 11. If she has the surgery you may giver a little more time but what kind of quality of life will she have. . .To me it really isn’t even about the money, it is about her quality of life. . . spoil her rotten in the time she has left.”

“Because you lover her so much, your decision will be right for you and for her.”

“I went through the same thing . . 3 years ago. I chose not to do chemo as that is terrible for the liver. I did however do some holistic stuff. . . You just have to listen to your gut and do what you think is right. The main thing is just to make sure they are not in so much pain that they are miserable.”

“no matter what you chose it will be the right thing. There isn’t a wrong choice.”

So here are my thoughts on matter, CANCER SUCKS!! However, by being part of the drug trial I feel as though we are potentially helping future Boxers by finding a cure. The trial last three months and she will receive treatment once a month so I think we can handle that. (I don’t know if I’m allowed but I may post the information about the trial at a later date.)

I’ve been too focused on the money aspect feeling somewhat hopeless. But when it comes down to it there are ways around (and potentially solutions) to the particular issue. Right now I just want to spoil her and make her comfortable which given all the facts makes the most sense.

Right now she still seems full of life, especially when she is kicking Mollie’s ass around the house!! My biggest prayer at this time is that, when the time comes for her to go I hope I am wise and strong enough to see that she is suffering.

Second Opinion (of sorts)

"The mast cell tumors may return and she is a senior dog for her breed.

If the traditional treatment is totally out of reach for you then that limits your decision to trying the drug trial or doing nothing.

If that is the case I'd suggest considering the drug trial. It is possible the drug trial would not help her. That doesn't put you in any worse situation than being unable to treat her.

I'd ask and consider the possible side effects being seen (if they will tell you) to determine if the trial drug might make her worse (they may not tell you actual effects but might tell you if they think the dog will become worse in any way).

If the treatment is going to reduce her quality of life then you might not want to do it. But if it won't compromise her life quality and might help then it may be worth doing.

I hope I've helped you sort out some ideas on this. Its not an easy choice!"