Never leave the leash on in the car. This day scared the living daylights out of me!! I loaded Audrey in the car and failed to remove her leash. I had no idea that her leash was hanging out of the car door. The wheel of the car caught her leash and yanked her neck to the bottom of the car door. It happened in slow motion and I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. LUCKILY the leash was leather and broke before it broke her neck. She was fine after the incident and forgot it happened. I wasn't right for the rest of the day and it haunted for me for a long time (and still does sometimes).
I appreciate everyone who emailed me or contacted me to offer support, advice and/or suggestions this past week.I know I didn’t respond but I’ve been taking everything in and working out what is the right thing for Audrey.
Some of the great notes I received:
“This is a decision that you need to make and really feel in your heart. But if it was me, I would let her live the rest of her life to the fullest. . . She is 11.If she has the surgery you may giver a little more time but what kind of quality of life will she have. . .To me it really isn’t even about the money, it is about her quality of life. . . spoil her rotten in the time she has left.”
“Because you lover her so much, your decision will be right for you and for her.”
“I went through the same thing . . 3 years ago.I chose not to do chemo as that is terrible for the liver.I did however do some holistic stuff. . . You just have to listen to your gut and do what you think is right.The main thing is just to make sure they are not in so much pain that they are miserable.”
“no matter what you chose it will be the right thing.There isn’t a wrong choice.”
So here are my thoughts on matter, CANCER SUCKS!! However, by being part of the drug trial I feel as though we are potentially helping future Boxers by finding a cure.The trial last three months and she will receive treatment once a month so I think we can handle that.(I don’t know if I’m allowed but I may post the information about the trial at a later date.)
I’ve been too focused on the money aspect feeling somewhat hopeless.But when it comes down to it there are ways around (and potentially solutions) to the particular issue.Right now I just want to spoil her and make her comfortable which given all the facts makes the most sense.
Right now she still seems full of life, especially when she is kicking Mollie’s ass around the house!!My biggest prayer at this time is that, when the time comes for her to go I hope I am wise and strong enough to see that she is suffering.
"The mast cell tumors may return and she is a senior dog for her breed.
If the traditional treatment is totally out of reach for you then that limits your decision to trying the drug trial or doing nothing.
If that is the case I'd suggest considering the drug trial. It is possible the drug trial would not help her. That doesn't put you in any worse situation than being unable to treat her.
I'd ask and consider the possible side effects being seen (if they will tell you) to determine if the trial drug might make her worse (they may not tell you actual effects but might tell you if they think the dog will become worse in any way).
If the treatment is going to reduce her quality of life then you might not want to do it. But if it won't compromise her life quality and might help then it may be worth doing.
I hope I've helped you sort out some ideas on this. Its not an easy choice!"
So, it hit me today that I am making decisions that are going to make or break Audrey. I've been going through the motions up until now of what I thought was right but a call from my local vet today has me second guessing everything.
Audrey's current status: --> 4 mast cell tumors --> Acanthomatous epuli - locally aggressive --> Liver appears "lacey" - but this will be confirmed after her ultrasound tomorrow --> Recovering from what appeared to be a UTI --> Arthritis
Current medications: --> 2 Benadryl's 2 times a day --> 1 Pepcid 2 times a day --> Metacam - starting this tonight --> Clovomax for her UTI
Suggested treatment from Oncologist --> Surgery to remove the four mast cell tumors and the epuli in her mouth ($4,500.00) --> Chemotherapy following the surgery ($1,500 to $2,000) OR --> Drug trial (Free) Now if I go with the first treatment (surgery and chemo) it's expensive and there is no guarantee it will work. This is not money I have nor can even get my hands on in any form. In addition, the surgeon isn't confident he can get enough of a margin around one of the mast cell tumors on her leg. Here is what I'm struggling with, how much crap do I put her through when it is going to degrade her time she has. She is eleven years old.
If I go with the Drug trial, which is the decision I am going with at this point, it brings meaning and purpose to her life and this crap she is going through. She will be closely monitored by a team of doctor's and I am required to keep a daily journal on her, hence this blog. Problem is... we have no idea if she will receive the trial drug or not. She will, however, be receiving, at the very least, chemotherapy. At the end of the trial we can then have the tumors removed.
So tomorrow we have an appointment to get the ultrasound, blood test and other tests she requires to determine if she can be part of the trial.
The local vet is now suggesting I use the surgeon in his office that isn't board certified but might be able to do the surgery's for less. So, now I'm torn, do I go with this option? He ends the conversation with 'we will support you in any decision you feel is right'. The way he said it made me feel like I was making the wrong decision but then maybe I'm being hyper sensitive about the entire situation.
I think tomorrow will be difficult for both Audrey and I.
