Making the right decision

So, it hit me today that I am making decisions that are going to make or break Audrey. I've been going through the motions up until now of what I thought was right but a call from my local vet today has me second guessing everything.

Audrey's current status:
--> 4 mast cell tumors
--> Acanthomatous epuli - locally aggressive
--> Liver appears "lacey" - but this will be confirmed after her ultrasound tomorrow
--> Recovering from what appeared to be a UTI
--> Arthritis

Current medications:
--> 2 Benadryl's 2 times a day
--> 1 Pepcid 2 times a day
--> Metacam - starting this tonight
--> Clovomax for her UTI

Suggested treatment from Oncologist
--> Surgery to remove the four mast cell tumors and the epuli in her mouth ($4,500.00)
--> Chemotherapy following the surgery ($1,500 to $2,000)
OR
--> Drug trial (Free)

Now if I go with the first treatment (surgery and chemo) it's expensive and there is no guarantee it will work. This is not money I have nor can even get my hands on in any form. In addition, the surgeon isn't confident he can get enough of a margin around one of the mast cell tumors on her leg. Here is what I'm struggling with, how much crap do I put her through when it is going to degrade her time she has. She is eleven years old.

If I go with the Drug trial, which is the decision I am going with at this point, it brings meaning and purpose to her life and this crap she is going through. She will be closely monitored by a team of doctor's and I am required to keep a daily journal on her, hence this blog. Problem is... we have no idea if she will receive the trial drug or not. She will, however, be receiving, at the very least, chemotherapy. At the end of the trial we can then have the tumors removed.

So tomorrow we have an appointment to get the ultrasound, blood test and other tests she requires to determine if she can be part of the trial.

The local vet is now suggesting I use the surgeon in his office that isn't board certified but might be able to do the surgery's for less. So, now I'm torn, do I go with this option? He ends the conversation with 'we will support you in any decision you feel is right'. The way he said it made me feel like I was making the wrong decision but then maybe I'm being hyper sensitive about the entire situation.

I think tomorrow will be difficult for both Audrey and I.